Discouraged

Good news first, the baby’s heart rate still sounds perfect, I am continuing to make plenty of amniotic fluid and I’m still healthy (we are checking temp every few hours). So we are well. But the bad news is, we are really sad because tomorrow morning we are going to have to go to the hospital to get a pitocin induction if I haven’t had the baby yet. I’ve had mild semi-regular contractions most of the day, and a few sorta hard ones sporadically. I really, really miss my kids and I cry at every little thing because I am depleted of hope and strength. Patience has turned almost to apathy now. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. If this show doesn’t get on the road in the next couple hours we are going to sleep and to the hospital in the morning. I never thought it would be like this and I don’t know why it is like this. I feel like a failure. Maybe that was the Lesson Plan here, who knows. Trying to figure out that one too. Thanks for your rapt attention, you guys are great. But trust me, if there is news you will know within the hour. After all this I would not leave you hanging.
Stay with me, we’ll have some good news eventually.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Praise the Lord for all His benefits!

Psalm 116

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;  he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD : “O LORD, save me!”
The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simplehearted;  when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,  for the LORD has been good to you.
For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears,  my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
I believed; therefore I said, “I am greatly afflicted.”
And in my dismay I said, “All men are liars.”
How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.
I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.
O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains.
I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD.
I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the LORD—in your midst, O Jerusalem.

Praise the LORD.

 

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