Thoughts While Driving Oholibus

This is it.

I’m behind the wheel of a very big van. Without a coach. With a baby in the back seat. I guess there was no other alternative. Once you have six or more kids, you need a vehicle with a truck chassis. I just didn’t realize it would feel soo different to drive. 

Dave’s looking at me nervously. He’s going to stand there until I drive off. I’d better get going. 

OK, it started. Great. Check to the left… nobody is coming… and, GO. 

You mean I have to move my hand off the wheel just to activate the turn signal? Ugh. Where’s the horn? Up on the ceiling? 

Rolling now! Looking good. Oh, wait, that was a traffic light. Whew, good thing it was green. 

Yikes, I have to merge onto the highway now. Please let nobody be in the far right lane, please let nobody be in the far right lane. Here goes nothing, AAAAHHH!! 

That went okay I guess. I am doing great. Why is everyone speeding past me? I’m sure I am breaking the sound barrier; I’m scared to go any faster. The speedometer says WHAT? Barely 50?! Oh, great. 

And now I realize I cannot see out the passenger side mirror without leaning over to the right. This is not good. I must have a huge blind spot now. And I’m about to merge onto the left side of the next highway. Yikes. How will I get over? OK it looks like I’m clear. Ready, set, AAAAHHHH!!! 

Well, I’m in the lane. This is good. I didn’t crash.

Now I need to get over. Is there someone behind me? It doesn’t look li– HEY WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? Oh, probably from behind me. Right. That makes sense. He’s trying to pass me because I really shouldn’t be in the left lane. Yes, mister, I know I’m in the left lane going 10 under the limit on a highway where people routinely drive 15 over. I realize this. I do not blame you for getting mad at me. I’m just SCARED to change lanes toward the right because my mirror is wonky. And people like you keep passing me on the right. Coming out of nowhere. This is awkward. Well, I’d better just turn on my signal and hope nobody pulls out from behind me. Ready, set, AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Do I dare go another lane over? Nah, maybe I’ll just stay in this lane until there are fewer cars on the highway. OK. Let’s just keep checking the mirrors, checking the mirrors. It’s really weird not having a rearview mirror. I have to actually *look* to see if anyone is flashing his brights at me or tailgating me. Check the mirrors, check the mirrors. Well at least I can see the cones of light when the cars come up beside me.

CONES OF LIGHT?! Oh no. Lights. It’s getting dark. Where are the lights in this thing? I know there are at least 3 different places to turn lights on in this monster. Which one is for the regular lights for nighttime? I can’t take my eyes off the road. OK this knob looks like it has a picture of a lightbulb. Let’s see what that does. Did it work? I see some front lights are on. Are my back lights on? I can’t tell. Oh, no, what if people behind me can’t see my rear lights? This stinks.

Boy I think I have complained for the last time about someone going too slowly in front of me. I am struggling to keep the speed at a decent 5mph under the limit. There are so many things to pay attention to! I certainly have a newfound respect for truck drivers.

Finally, I’m here. I don’t know if I’m more exhilarated that I got here in one piece, or exhausted from all the vigilance of driving.

Either way, an adult beverage is definitely warranted.

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3 Responses to Thoughts While Driving Oholibus

  1. perelandra30 says:

    I remember those days.  You will get used to it. Then when you go back to driving something of a more normal size you will have to adjust back to that.  Enjoy your rolling home.

  2. whteroses says:

    Oh my goodness, that was hilarious! God willing, I hope to someday be in your shoes. 

  3. Yeeeks! I’d be a nervous wreck!

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